Morally Acceptable to Assist Wife in Achieving Orgasm?
Question
I really need your help, I keep finding contradicting information on the matter everywhere I look.
If my wife and I plan on having normal intercouse, is it morally acceptable for me (not her) to bring her to orgasm manually or orally immediately before intercourse? How about manually stimulating during the actual intercourse to help us both climax? And if she can’t reach orgasm during normal intercourse, is it permissible for me, to help her reach it either manually or orally right after I am done? Basically what I need to know is, if female orgasm is morally acceptable surrounding normal intercourse or does it definitively have to happen during intercourse alone.
Bern
Answer
Last Updated: September 12, 2022
Dear Bern,
You probably find contradictory information on this question, because as far as I am aware the Church has not issued official moral teaching in such detail.
Marital intercourse is to involve union in love and openness to life. It is a safe moral opinion to hold that female orgasm can be considered part of completing the act of intercourse. Manual or oral stimulation immediately following natural intercourse can express love and self-giving in harmony with the essential purpose of marital intimacy. The practices you describe are not intrinsically immoral.
Of course, within the question of what is allowed, there is the question of what is mutually beneficial to you and your wife as couple. This involves your individual sensitivities and desires also. Your manner of marital embrace should be a personal experience that brings you closer together in your entire relationship throughout your daily life. This is always an area for prayerful and caring dialogue between the two of you.
Blessings on you and your wife and your marriage covenant.
Fr. Larry Toschi, O.S.J
You probably find contradictory information on this question, because as far as I am aware the Church has not issued official moral teaching in such detail.
Marital intercourse is to involve union in love and openness to life. It is a safe moral opinion to hold that female orgasm can be considered part of completing the act of intercourse. Manual or oral stimulation immediately following natural intercourse can express love and self-giving in harmony with the essential purpose of marital intimacy. The practices you describe are not intrinsically immoral.
Of course, within the question of what is allowed, there is the question of what is mutually beneficial to you and your wife as couple. This involves your individual sensitivities and desires also. Your manner of marital embrace should be a personal experience that brings you closer together in your entire relationship throughout your daily life. This is always an area for prayerful and caring dialogue between the two of you.
Blessings on you and your wife and your marriage covenant.
Fr. Larry Toschi, O.S.J
Answered By:
Fr. Larry Toschi, O.S.J
Fr. Larry Toschi, OSJ, an Oblate of St. Joseph, and Pastor Emeritus of the Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Copatroness of the Unborn, in Bakersfield, CA, serves on the Advisory Board of CANFP. Fr. Larry is the developer of the Life Giving Love Weekends and author of several books, his most recent being the bilingual Family Starts with Marriage, Holy Spouses Devotions and Rites
