Willing to Follow God

Years ago, when I served on our diocesan pastoral council, someone told me that our bishop said that when it comes to collaboration in ministry, one “works with the willing.” Although I have yet to have the opportunity to confirm this quotation, it nevertheless expresses wisdom and insight that is easily attributable to our bishop.

As deacon at a small parish, I frequently find myself talking to young people, couples soon to be married, and couples already married. If I am to “work with the willing”, then I must be forthright about who I am: a married deacon, and therefore a husband, and a father of five.

For me, to work with the willing means that we must carefully discern our own call and ask God to lead us to where we belong – to the area of ministry to which we are best suited. Faith is a journey, and along the way we encounter people who are at various stages of their own journey.

Mindful that we should not allow the perfect to become the enemy of the good, we are called to be faithful witnesses of the truth, and we do this by encouraging and supporting continued growth and development in ourselves and others.

When my wife and I were married more than 25 years ago, neither of us were Catholic at the time, and so our marriage preparation was somewhat different than what couples preparing for marriage within the Catholic Church receive. For example, we did not receive instruction on Natural Family Planning. But within a year of being married, we relocated to a new city to continue our professional education, and began the process of becoming Catholic together.

Throughout our RCIA classes, although there were more than 40 of us in the program at an archdiocesan cathedral, there was no mention of artificial contraception, or NFP. Meanwhile, my wife was attending medical school, and studying the scientific reality of when human life begins.

My wife’s medical studies (combined with what the Catholic Church teaches about the sanctity of human life) led her to experience a conversion of heart pertaining to our use of artificial birth control. In this sense, she received a call to work with me, as one “willing” but not entirely sure of the why, or the how.

Moreover, there was also the “risk” of getting pregnant at the “wrong” time, a risk that was largely my wife’s from the standpoint of her professional future. We worried that having a baby could derail the possibility of her completing medical school. We questioned whether a medical residency program would accept her, and whether it would be feasible with a baby.

Between my wife’s third and fourth year of medical school, the consequences of such risk materialized: she became pregnant. But it was all part of God’s plan. Not only was she able to complete medical school, she graduated at the same time as the rest of her class. Likewise, she had no problem matching for her top choice in her medical residency.

Those early years of parenthood were far from easy. I was starting out in my own career as an attorney, and there were times that my wife’s residency schedule made it feel as though I was a single father. But once again God’s hand was evident in all of it. God gave me a gift by letting me be a very involved and active father, which continues to stand as one of the greatest blessings I have ever received.

In fact, God’s Providence never stopped being evident in connection with the decision to practice NFP. It led me to consider my own professional development and in what setting I would practice law. Very shortly after our first son was born, I changed jobs and began working at the same firm where I am today. God provided a boss who announced – on the first day I began working for him – “family comes first.”

Looking back, (now with five children), that little baby who seemed so needy and helpless is a grown man with a college degree and a good job, already married with his wife expecting their first child (yay, NFP!). Each child after him was another priceless blessing. I am certain that life for us would not be what it is if it weren’t for my wife’s call to discontinue the artificial birth control at what could have been called the “worst” possible moment.

It is natural, especially when we are young and inexperienced, to feel uncertain, anxious, and even fearful – about control, about our hopes and expectations, about the necessity of safeguarding our future. The world would convince us that the solution is to hold on to that sense of control, even if it is illusory.

If our experience verifies anything, it is that in our “worst” moments, God’s grace can be most evident. Having made up our own mind about things precludes asking the most important question, which is, “What do you want, Lord?”

An authentic relationship with God is built upon trust and the willingness that His will be done. When we place our trust in Him, our life may not take the course we expect, but He does not disappoint.