Voice of Experience

I was looking through your questions because we just had our fourth beautiful baby and my husband is “done” so I need to brush up on NFP. (Three of our four were “NFP” babies.) I read through the “Teens Ask” section and found myself there, 15 years ago. If you’d like to post this, I wanted to say something to the teens and singles reading.
I was sexually active before marriage, while my husband wasn’t. Although I only had sex once, I was a “technical virgin” for years – it might not have been sexual intercourse but it was sex. For anyone out there who’s dating and considering how far is too far, etc, I want to say this: err on the side of less is more. I found out the hard way that no matter how innocent some fondling, etc, can seem, it isn’t – it is true real sexual intimacy. Having that with someone who is NOT your choice of life partner, or having it too early with your choice of life partner, will haunt you for the rest of your life. God is great and forgiving, and thankfully my husband was as well. (God had told him before he met me that I wouldn’t be a virgin so he wasn’t surprised.) But there is a life-long consequence of regret and painful memories to bear (not to mention possible diseases, children, etc). Not only that, it took me years of marriage before I was able to fully enjoy the sex act and not feel like I was doing something “naughty” while my husband was able to fully enjoy marital sex right from the beginning. (He was 30 when we married so he’d been waiting a while!) I can tell you from the other side of marriage, sex is really BEST (and it can be amazing!) in marriage and only in marriage. And this is blunt, but having sex with the intention of having a baby is absolutely 100 times more satisfying than having sex and hoping the contraceptive works.

My ten cents, from someone who’s been there and wished she hadn’t done that. And thanks to God that the story has a happy ending of a wonderful marriage and four absolutely perfect children.

Kathy