Young and Worried
Question
My boyfriend and I recently had sex. It was nothing big, it lasted only like 5 minutes. He didn’t ejaculate in me. I told him I didn’t want to do it without a condom, but he didn’t listen. Just the other day he tried it again and he “popped the cherry.” I am not very sure what that means. Does that increase my chances of becoming pregnant? I am very worried that I might be pregnant. I worry about telling my parents. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know who to tell.
K
Answer
Last Updated: June 14, 2013
Dear K,
You say “it was nothing big” but sex IS a big deal! If it was no big deal, that just means you are missing out on what it was meant to be!
Please—-hold out for the big deal it can be when you share it with the man you are going to have a family with and spend the rest of your life with!
I sincerely doubt this boyfriend is that man. Furthermore, it sounds as if your boyfriend is disrespecting you and your expressed wishes. Either he is unconcerned about the effect this will have on you, and the possibility you will become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease, putting his own urges before your feelings and best interests, or he is lacking in the maturity to control himself. Either does not make very good “rest of our lives” material!
Just because you had sex, does not mean you have to keep having sex. In fact, you now have a decision and choice to make. YOU need to make it, and not let someone else pressure you or use you. You can learn from this, and decide to take back control over your decision about your own sexuality, and the kind of future you want for yourself. I urge you to think seriously about the path you have been heading down, and consider how “just 5 minutes” now can affect your entire life. You probably understand that a lot better now than you did before all this happened, and you can learn from this.
You will not be able to know if you are pregnant right away. You need support during this anxious time. I urge you to let your parents know you need them right now. If you have learned from this that you want to wait for the big deal sex can be with your husband some day, and not settle for anything less, tell them that, and ask them to help you through this difficult time and set limits and standards so you do not find yourself again in this situation next week or next month. You can do it—–and your parents need to know what you are going through. A sure way to make a problem an even bigger problem is to try and keep it a secret from the right people.
You can also call a toll free number 1-800-395-HELP. They can tell you where you can go to get a free pregnancy test and have people to talk to about what you are going through right now. Reach out to people who can help you right now. You don’t need to go through this alone.
Sheila
You say “it was nothing big” but sex IS a big deal! If it was no big deal, that just means you are missing out on what it was meant to be!
Please—-hold out for the big deal it can be when you share it with the man you are going to have a family with and spend the rest of your life with!
I sincerely doubt this boyfriend is that man. Furthermore, it sounds as if your boyfriend is disrespecting you and your expressed wishes. Either he is unconcerned about the effect this will have on you, and the possibility you will become pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease, putting his own urges before your feelings and best interests, or he is lacking in the maturity to control himself. Either does not make very good “rest of our lives” material!
Just because you had sex, does not mean you have to keep having sex. In fact, you now have a decision and choice to make. YOU need to make it, and not let someone else pressure you or use you. You can learn from this, and decide to take back control over your decision about your own sexuality, and the kind of future you want for yourself. I urge you to think seriously about the path you have been heading down, and consider how “just 5 minutes” now can affect your entire life. You probably understand that a lot better now than you did before all this happened, and you can learn from this.
You will not be able to know if you are pregnant right away. You need support during this anxious time. I urge you to let your parents know you need them right now. If you have learned from this that you want to wait for the big deal sex can be with your husband some day, and not settle for anything less, tell them that, and ask them to help you through this difficult time and set limits and standards so you do not find yourself again in this situation next week or next month. You can do it—–and your parents need to know what you are going through. A sure way to make a problem an even bigger problem is to try and keep it a secret from the right people.
You can also call a toll free number 1-800-395-HELP. They can tell you where you can go to get a free pregnancy test and have people to talk to about what you are going through right now. Reach out to people who can help you right now. You don’t need to go through this alone.
Sheila
Answered By:
Sheila St. John
Sheila St. John is the Executive Director of the California Association of Natural Family Planning, coordinating the non-profit’s education and advocacy efforts throughout the state. Initially attracted to NFP as a healthy, effective method for planning families, drug, device and surgery free, her passion for NFP has grown over the last 42 years as she has journeyed with the over 900 couples she has personally instructed in its use, and been privileged to witness its role in overcoming infertility, women’s health, and the transformation that occurs in lives of men, women, and families, when we embrace God’s design for love and life.
