Coloring Inside the Lines

I think often of a meeting I had with a devoted mom, and her squirming toddler. Feeling for the mom, as she struggled to concentrate on our conversation while her daughter competed for her attention, I grabbed a coloring book and crayons off a nearby shelf and offered them to the child. The mom intercepted the coloring book, and asked if I had any blank paper, explaining they prefer she create her own drawings, rather than just color inside someone else’s lines.

I respected and understood her desire to encourage her daughter’s creativity and individuality. When I sort through boxes of mementos, inevitably they include a child’s drawing—not a well colored page in a coloring book. Admittedly, part of me thought, would this brief exposure to a coloring book have permanently scarred her daughter or undermined this mom’s commitment to creativity over conformity? Probably not—it was just a coloring book—but are we just coloring inside the lines, in important areas of our life?

What does just coloring inside the lines look like when it comes to family planning? Too often, it means accepting the pill to make cycles more convenient as a teen, using contraception until we feel our family is complete per our current mind-set, and then sterilization to permanentize that mind-set. The only decision we make, is what shade we choose—condom, diaphragm, the pill, IUD, vasectomy, tubal ligation—to color the picture we have uncritically accepted as the outline for this most important aspect of our life.

What does it look like, to reject the premise of this blueprint, and to start with a blank sheet of paper? We would mindfully consider the options and their impact on us, body and spirit. We would evaluate how our choices reflect our values, which would of course require us to identify our values. What are our views of sexuality, marriage and children? Have we contemplated that each time we unite with our spouse, we are privileged to potentially participate in the creation of a new life? Do we have an integrated view of our sexuality, and seek nothing less than the complete gift of self to our spouse? Or, do we realize we have simply viewed it as a mutually pleasurable closeness? Are we educated about the menstrual cycle and fertility, or have we abdicated that responsibility to our physician? If we are a person of faith, do we seek to know God’s plan for love and life, and desire to honor Him in this most intimate expression of our love? Or do we only see our faith in context of the site for our wedding ceremony, not the marriage?

Such soul searching may sound daunting. Perhaps that is why most just color the picture they are dealt. But, let’s not confuse easy, with best. Don’t we all want the best possible marriage? What merits this investment of our thought and energy more than the heart and soul of our family, our marriage?

To see the value of NFP, we must question the status quo, and in so doing, we find we must conform ourselves, not to the picture the culture provides, but to our nature.

The time preparing for marriage is perfectly suited to this discernment. But it is never too late, to seek a marriage colored in bright and beautiful colors.

I hope that Mom’s prioritization of her daughter’s creativity, led that little girl, now grown, to seek the profound expression of her creative self in her marital relationship.