Living My Vocation

On June 30th, it will be one year since I was ordained into the Permanent Diaconate for the Diocese of Sacramento. This May, my wife, Janice, and I will be expecting our seventh child into our family. We currently are blessed with three girls and three boys. It has been fifteen years since we have seen a diaper, stroller or car seat. One could say that this past year has been filled with blessings upon blessings. Or, as one person at work said to me, “Starting over again, huh?”

Yes, at the age of forty-five we will be “starting over” again. Being an older father, I contemplated how our lives would soon change. Practical questions like: “How much longer would I work at AT&T before retiring?” or “Will I be able to physically keep up with this kid?” The funniest comment came from my twenty-one-year-old son, who said during one family conversation, “When this kid is fifteen, I am going to be thirty-six!” My answer, “Yes, son you too will be old when the new baby boy begins his teenage years.” Knowing full well, of course, that thirty-six is not really that old.

Why would an older man even consider becoming a father at this age? The answer comes down to faith, hope and love. Only through God’s grace does the idea of fatherhood even become a reality at this age. Abraham and Sarah were over 100 years old when they had their child, but I only thought that was in the Bible. Fatherhood is a gift.

The world tells us that it does not make financial sense at this stage of our lives to have newborn children. The truth is my job is never guaranteed. In a corporate economy that looks to maximize profit, and “doing more with less”, resizing jobs is always a thought in the back of our minds. My 401k, stocks and the value of my house are not a guarantee of financial stability. Conversely, Janice and I do have faith that God will provide for our family—and always has. This not to say we are not without financial or budget challenges from time to time, but at the end of the day, God gives us more than we need. He is a God of abundance and blessings. There is hope that our lives and the baby’s new life are living examples of God’s plan for this world. A hope, as Janice and I get older, that our children will be around and can help mentor and guide the new baby. Finally, and most importantly, there is Love. The same love that created life provides Janice and I the consolation that we can accomplish great things with God’s help. Many parishioners and friends shared their stories of love from their “older” parents. Living testimonies of God’s work throughout generations of parents who have given birth to children in their 40’s and 50’s. Being older parents ties us closer to the life of Christ, especially when we may be afraid or worried about the future. Jesus, in the Agony of Garden: “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet, not as I will, but as you will.” MT 26:39 While it may be easier for us to not have children at this age, if God’s will allows life to be created and nurtured, would we deny it? Lord, let your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven, right? We are older, wiser and have more resources than we did when we were younger. The fear and worry dissipate, and are replaced with faith, hope and love.

Together Janice and I continue to fully live out our vocations in matrimony and holy orders to the best of our ability. What we learned in Natural Family Planning (NFP) continues to bear fruit in our present reality. Daily conversations between Janice and I transform into integrated prayers between us, as husband and wife, and God, our creator.

NFP has been part of our faith journey. As a man, the NFP process allowed me to learn about the gift of communication. The process allowed me to learn how to communicate my desires and how to listen to the desires of my wife. Often, before NFP, my focus was all about my desires and emotions. After NFP, I learned to focus more on the needs of my spouse and her emotions and needs. NFP taught me about the relationship between spouses and how it aligns with God’s plans for our lives. I learned how to chart, look at the signs and talk to my wife about her cycle and determine when we would and would not be intimate with one another. I learned the value of chastity and learned how to put into perspective human will vs God’s will for our lives. NFP provided the intimate understanding of the dignity of human life. It means respecting each other as husband and wife, with individual dignity, as well as the dignity of the baby. Every moment and conversation are precious, and sacred.

Practicing NFP is not always easy. Just like the diaconal life, a life of service, is not always easy. However, through prayer, listening and discernment, God always provides.

Couples who are practitioners of NFP fully live out the Gospel in their daily lives. To my fellow Clergy, we must take courage and preach how NFP transforms hearts to be open to the spiritual gifts and blessings of God. Let us talk about actively building up the body of Christ through love and support. Encourage men to journey with their wives and fully support the lives God has entrusted to their care. The Divine Mercy prayer “Jesus I trust in you!” became our favorite prayer. We need to preach and teach that God is the one in control. We can do our best, but God does the rest.