A Deacon, A Dad, And a Doctor Walk into a Father/Son Program, and…

That could be the start of a really awesome joke. But no, it was actually the start of my great experience with the Father/Son program. In fact, I was all three of these characters, in one, and I want to share my adventure. So, here is what I experienced being involved with the program through each of these perspectives. The Father/Son program is an offshoot of the Mother/Daughter program started by Mary Pat Van Epps in the Diocese of Memphis. The program for boys 12-15 is the gold standard for rightly discussing the gifts of sexuality, fertility, and growing up to become a man. It is informative, upbeat, moving, and a ton o’ fun. It’s presented in a low key environment and dispels many of the pop culture fallacies that our kids find so tough to navigate. It includes a series of talks with great titles like: When I was your Age, It’s Great to Be a Boy, All in God’s Plan, a simplified anatomy/physiology talk, and lastly…Being a Father, These are given by men of increasing ages: High School, College, a health care professional, and a Dad respectively. Then, it’s time for a break to run around a little. We played football. The program continues with a Q&A period. The questions are submitted anonymously which is a huge relief for the kids and provides for some great questions. Finally, the morning concludes with raffle prizes and food…good food!

As a deacon, I am just digging into Amoris Laetitia and am struck by the timeliness of this document for this very program. The exhortation begins with “The Joy of Love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church.”  A profound beginning that expresses the joy of family life within the context of Church. Boys can’t hear this enough. In our modern “hook up and postpone marriage culture”, they need reassurance that following their hearts to be together with a woman permanently is NOT unusual, nor is it something to avoid. The program is rife with testimony that the joy and fulfillment of marriage as a Sacrament fills a basic and deep yearning of the human heart and that the Sacrament mimics the love of our Triune God. Pope Francis quotes himself in the exhortation saying, “families are not a problem; they are first and foremost an opportunity.”  This gets to the very heart of what this program is trying to accomplish.

As physician, I have seen a variety of ‘sex ed’ talks. This one, however, gets it right. Too often the “education” involved is reduced to a basic explanation of the physiology quickly followed by an explanation of the mechanics of contraception and the avoidance of sexually transmitted diseases. Unfortunately, this approach is anemic. It misses the heart of the matter. The Father/Son program focuses on the totality of the person. It describes changes that occur as part of God’s plan and that these changes are to be embraced, respected, and preserved as are all gifts from God. This is potent stuff. The gifts of sexuality and fertility can lead to rich joy when used well and conversely can bring misery to many if poorly handled. The boys and their Dads understand this when sexuality is viewed through this perspective. It is beautiful thing to see. It makes their physical changes and social pressures less scary and imparts a sense of right mission.

As a Dad, I was struck with one thought. Where was this when I was a kid?

It was truly a unique experience for me and I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. The post program reviews had comments like: “Let’s make this bigger next year.”, “Gives me a great context to continue the discussion with my son.”, “really appreciate the biologic stuff.”, and finally my personal favorite, “add chicken wings…more food”.

It was really motivating seeing the Dad’s revved up to continue the conversation. Truly this is the basis for continued conversation in the right framework. Bingo! The Father/Son relationship is strengthened with loving discussions on difficult subjects. My hope is that this program will continue to bear fruit for a long time to come.

1 Amoris Laetitia

2 Address at the Meeting of Families in Santiago de Cuba (22 September 2015): L’Osservatore  Romano, 24 September 2015, p.7