A Note to Husbands

My wife and I have been married for almost seven years. We both come from large families; we each have nine siblings. Needless to say, our parents are models for the fullness and happiness that results in marriages when they live the truth of the Church’s teachings. Before our wedding day, we had talked many times about having kids. Even though the thought of children running around overjoyed us, my wife was always cautious enough to remind me that being open to life is not an openness to having as many kids as possible, but a willingness to cooperate with God’s Will and to accept what He has planned.

As I sit here writing I cannot but be amazed at my wife’s wisdom. For us, God’s plan includes a struggle with infertility. As soon as this became evident, we began to practice Natural Family Planning (NFP) to try to achieve a pregnancy. Thanks to the prayers of our friends and family, through the grace of God and the holy work of NaPro doctors we were able to receive a beautiful baby girl into this world. But it was not easy.

Natural Family Planning is indeed not easy, and it can be a strain on the marriage, regardless of whether you are practicing NFP to postpone or achieve a pregnancy. If done properly, however, these difficulties can be the cross through which you can sanctify your marriage.

Now, my wife and I are by no means saints. But we understand that our job as spouses is to help each other get to heaven. I wanted to write this article to share how I learned to use our NFP to that end.

As men, we are taught that our job is to provide for our families. Material needs are necessary, but even more important is providing for the spiritual and emotional needs of the family. So how can you be the man in the context of Natural Family Planning? Here are a few tips:

• Pray and communicate with each other. Understand that NFP is a constant choice, and as such, needs to be discussed openly. You both need to be on the same page.

Learn about your wife’s biology. Us men, we are simple creatures. Women, in my opinion, are the masterpiece of creation. You will grow in awe of your wife as you learn how women are designed to allow us to participate in the creating power of God.

Discuss the different charting methods and work with your wife to determine which one works best for your situation.

Be the one charting! This will allow you to be fully aware of your wife’s cycle. Do not burden your wife with the responsibility of communicating to you when you ought to abstain. Share in that responsibility.

Learn that you can be intimate without being physical. Show your wife you love her, especially at the times you have decided to abstain.

Finally, be joyful. Do the best you can and understand that whatever happens, everything is in God’s hands. My wife and I spent four years trying to achieve a pregnancy. Now, we are expecting our second gift. We will have two kids under two years old. Life is good!