How to deal with these feelings….


I am eighteen years old and have been going out with my girlfriend for about 6 months now, and I find her to be the most beautiful girl I have seen. She does not need to wear makeup or anything to look pretty, even when she is in her sweats she looks good to me. Anyway, sometimes I wish we were more intimate, I really do care for her and love her but I just feel as if sometimes she is not as sexually attracted to me as I am to her. Every time we cuddle and get close, I tend to get turned on. I really want to develop a sexual relationship, but I just don’t know how to, if she’s ready, if I am even ready. We will be going off to separate colleges come next fall and don’t know if I’m ever going to meet someone else like her. I want to make love to her because I honestly feel that sexually attracted towards her. I just don’t know what to do or how to ask her about it either.


Last Updated: July 24, 2013
Congratulations Matt, you are a normal and healthy male! It is normal to be sexually aroused when cuddling with a young woman. That is how our bodies are designed. However, thank God you haven’t expressed yourself sexually with your girlfriend. Why? Because although sexuality is a beautiful gift from God, it is also a powerful one.

God has destined the sexual act for two purposes:
1) expressing committed love (unitive) and
2) for bringing new life into the world (procreative).

Any sex outside of marriage isn’t committed love since both partners haven’t promised to be faithful to each other for life. Also, any sex outside of marriage isn’t responsible since unmarried people aren’t ready for bringing children into the world.

Unfortunately our American culture takes a reckless and irresponsible view towards sexuality. It doesn’t focus on the emotional and physical consequences of this sacred act. Instead, it encourages freedom to act on our physical urges. However, as noted, acting on these urges outside of marriage is reckless and irresponsible for the partners and for the future child they may bring into the world.

Thus, my advice for you Matt is to continue to treat your girlfriend with respect. She will appreciate you for not taking advantage of her sexually. If you say you really care for her, sacrifice your physical urges in order to treat her with dignity.

Peace brother, Edward Benioff

Answered By:

Edward Benioff
Fr. Edward Benioff, priest for the Archdiocses of Los Angeles, is pastor of Good Shepherd parish in Beverly Hills, CA, a Church Member of CANFP.

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