Evelyn Thayer Eaton: Requiescat in Pacem

There’s a small brass duck sitting on my desk as I write this tribute to our beloved Evelyn Eaton. I had called her one morning after having been soundly berated by my new boss. I can’t remember now what the problem was, but I do remember pouring out my heart to her.

She listened quietly, as always, then said something like, “This too shall pass. Please let it go right now.” We offered a little prayer together for my boss and each other and said goodbye.

A few days later, the little brass duck arrived along with a letter saying when harsh words fall on you, don’t hold them in your heart. Let them flow out like water off a duck’s back.

My little duck’s back is quite worn now, some 28 years later, having been stroked so many times and my heart, too, has been soothed so often remembering Evelyn’s kindness.

I’m sure each of us in the NFP Community and beyond has similar stories, for Evelyn was the personification of Wisdom:

“For in her is a spirit intelligent, holy, unique,

Manifold, subtle, agile, clear, unstained, certain.

Not baneful, loving the good, keen,

Unhampered, beneficent, kindly.” (Wisdom 7 v. 22)

And so I write to reflect on her life, not in the biographical sense, for there is a beautiful article by Mary Eiler from CANFP NEWS (2009) on the occasion of Evelyn’s being honored by the St. Luke Guild. Rather, I would like to examine her Vocation as a Catholic Laywoman.

Somewhere along her life’s journey, Evelyn chose to make promises of Chastity, Obedience and Poverty in service to the Church while living in the world. In describing this Vocation, her beloved friend and mentor, Bishop Wang, said Evelyn and the women like her work at such jobs as Secretary to a Bishop, as Catechists in a parish, as a Caritas Social Worker, as a photographer, or, as in Evelyn’s case, wearing many hats: Seminary Professor (the first woman ever to fill such a position), Staff to the Respect Life Commission of the Archdiocese of San Francisco, Natural Family Planning Practitioner and Educator, Member of several Boards,etc.

How, then, did her Vocation illumine her life?

First and foremost, Evelyn lived in total submission to the Lord. Thus, in whatever position she held, Evelyn always lived under Obedience to the local Ordinary, originally, Archbishop John Joseph Mitty (1932-1961) and his successors thereafter.

She fulfilled her promise of Poverty by living a life of Charity, supporting others financially, offering her hospitality to friends or strangers in need, being the loving listener, encouraging all around her to be the best they could be. In everything, she was the epitome of self-effacement. In her presence, you truly felt holiness.

Her promise of Chastity was lived simply by “loving the good” in everyone she met.

Nowhere was this more powerful than in her work with Natural Family Planning.  With her Ph.D in Sociology emphasizing Marriage and Family, she was a “natural” for NFP and a source of great help and inspiration for her colleagues. She understood the theological and philosophical underpinnings of NFP as few others. Above all, she understood the difference between “Conjugal Love” and “Romantic Love” when the modernists seemed to place Romantic Love before Procreative Love in marriage (cf. John Noonan’s Contraception). In many an informal conversation, she clearly stated that such a reversal would lead to misunderstanding the meaning of marriage, weaken marriage and ultimately redefine the marriage bond itself. (For a thorough explanation of what she meant, you might want to read Janet Smith’s Humanae Vitae/A Generation Later pp 42-54). As Justice Kennedy’s Opinion evidences, Evelyn was keenly prescient.

My hope is that her leaving us at this moment in time is a sign that The Family Synod in October will overflow with the Holy Spirit and with her Spirit as well. Pray for us, Evelyn, we are in need.