I Just Wish Someone Had Told Me This Sooner

Couples who come to learn Natural Family Planning are as diverse as their reasons for using it, but one sentiment is almost universal—why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?

*Maria and *Gustavo came to learn NFP after four gut wrenching years trying to start a family. Their diagnosis was “unexplained infertility” and the only solution offered was IVF. Their research revealed surprisingly low success rates for IVF, a procedure they found ethically and aesthetically concerning, at a financial cost that would propel them deeply into debt. As the years ticked by, they were growing despondent of ever fulfilling their desire to become parents.

*Jane and *Julius heard an NFP teacher present during their Engaged Encounter. Satisfied with their current birth control, and overwhelmed with planning their wedding, it took them a year to investigate.

*Ali and *John had used the pill to avoid pregnancy ever since their youngest, now a teenager, was born. One day, a couple going through the RCIA program they were leading in their Catholic parish, asked them why the Church teaches birth control is a sin, and they found themselves struggling to articulate a response. That started Ali and John on a path of discernment that would change their lives.

*Rose and *Jim had three children in their first five years of marriage, spacing them with a combination of breastfeeding, their own guesses about fertile days, and an occasional condom. Feeling uneasy about using condoms, they invited the priest who married them over for dinner, to seek clarification of Church teaching. Father told them the Church teaches you must be open to life in your marriage—but assured them they had already demonstrated they were by having three children, so whatever they did now was fine. That advice confused them.

What did each of these couples’ experience when they eventually came to learn NFP?

Maria and Gustavo have only been learning NFP for a few months, but due to the insights they gleaned already from charting her cycles, and a consult with a physician trained in NaPro Technology (a medical approach which utilizes the very detailed information the charting provides to restore health and normal function), they now have a diagnosis for the cause of their infertility, and have begun treatment that is ethical, restorative, affordable, and proven to be even MORE effective than the IVF they were previously offered. For the first time in many years, they are filled with hope.

Jane and Julius sought out the NFP teacher who introduced them to NFP during their preparation for marriage. They continued to avoid pregnancy, using this healthier, more effective, natural alternative, while they pursued the financial security they desired before starting a family. As they integrated NFP into their marriage, they started to examine some of their priorities, becoming more aware of how the cultural messages of “responsibility” and “success” had informed their values and attitudes toward accepting children into their lives.Little by little, shining the light of their faith on their love and life-giving decisions, they grew in their appreciation of children as a blessing, which they are now opening themselves to receive.

As Ali and John researched what the Catholic Church teaches about contraception, they gulped to discover it is indeed a distortion of their marital covenant, and yes, that inquiring couple in their RICA class was right, a sin. With much anxiety but determined to align their expression of their marriage with God’s design for it, they threw out the pills, and found out there was an NFP class right there in the parish. They feared pregnancy, and yet rationalized that at their age, and after almost 20 years on the pill, it seemed unlikely. Perhaps that undermined their diligence to avoid a pregnancy, and they did indeed conceive. They were simultaneously overwhelmed at the prospect of “starting over” with a new baby, and at peace that their faith had led them to open themselves to this gift. Indeed, that child has been a gift not only to his parents, but the almost grown siblings he joined in that family.

And what about Rose and Jim? That priest’s advice, while meant to be compassionate, simply did not resonate in their hearts as true. After much searching, they found an NFP class, and used what they learned to space their children, adding several more to their family over the years. They found that by embracing their faith in this one aspect of their life, it flourished in many other ways as well. Jim had always attended Mass with Rose, but now was baptized and initiated into the Catholic faith. Excited about what they discovered in NFP, and frustrated it was so hard to find, Rose pursued training to become an NFP teacher.

This may not be the article you expected, on the blessings of NFP. Is this what successful use of NFP looks like? Taking a leap of faith only to be surprised by a pregnancy? Is it a good sale’s pitch to include someone who had a bunch of kids using NFP? Did the infertile couple become pregnant?

Oh, there are stories aplenty of couples using effectively to avoid pregnancy, in quite serious situations, over decades of marriage. Stories of becoming pregnant using NFP, after failed IVF, that would leave the most stoic among us in tears. They are plentiful, because NFP is effective, for both avoiding pregnancy, and achieving pregnancy. Simply put, it works.

But the real story of NFP, is in the impact on our lives, when we invite God into our marriage bed. We embark on a journey, with twists and turns and blessings we did not even know were possible. It is not a journey without challenges, but like any faith venture, it is filled with profound joy and blessings beyond what we could imagine for ourselves.

And part of the story, is the role one person played, in each of these couples finding NFP. Programs, priests, parishes, and dioceses, all have crucial responsibilities in providing NFP resources. But most people will only find those resources, through the promptings of the Holy Spirit and the people placed in their lives. I invite all to seek out a better understanding of NFP, for yourself, but also because you may be that one person the Holy Spirit uses, to invite someone on this journey, lest they too experience the regret, of just wishing someone had told me this before.

*The names are fictional, to respect confidentiality— the people and their stories are real.

“The Church’s teaching on marital sexuality is an invitation for men and women—an invitation to let God be God, to receive the gift of God’s love and care, and to let this gift inform and transform us, so we may share that love with each other and with the world.” Married Love and the Gift of Life, USCCB