My Road to St. Joseph

It feels like my love for St. Joseph has come to me subtly, quietly, and gradually; almost like osmosis. My dad was an adult convert to the Catholic faith and didn’t have an overt devotion to St. Joseph that he talked about. He might as well have, though, because, just as St. Joseph did, he lived a life devoted humbly and radically to his wife and kids. Just as St. Joseph found his purpose in God’s plan as protector of the holy family, husband to Mary, and father to Jesus, my dad found purpose in being a husband to my mom and a father to me and my brother. My dad rarely spoke directly about how to live rightly but more importantly he quietly set an example of a man genuinely interested in the lives of others, looking for ways to show love through acts of service. Here again, my dad set me on the path to St. Joseph, probably without even knowing it.

Fast forward to my adult life. Almost 20 years of marriage and seven kids later, I have finally realized that God speaks to me and works on me most clearly through my wife, just as Joseph must have experienced through Mary. One of the most clear turning points in our marriage, family, and spiritual life was when my wife and I were at odds about whether we should have more children. We had the blessing of four kids at the time, two girls and two boys between the ages of eight and two. My wife wanted to try (on purpose!) to conceive another child and I was just not on board. Our family life felt so busy and, honestly, overwhelming. We were out of space in our modest-sized rental house, money didn’t seem abundant and I just could not accept the idea of being open to more. I wanted to use Natural Family Planning to avoid a pregnancy and my wife wanted to use NFP to achieve it. We had hit the biggest roadblock in our marriage to date. I can imagine St. Joseph could empathize with me as I questioned my competency to handle what my wife (and ultimately God) was asking of me.St. Joseph wrestled with whether he was worthy to be husband to the prophesied Virgin who was to bear the Savior of the World and ultimately earthly father and protector of the Redeemer. Although he had a holy fear, St. Joseph was faithful, obedient, and courageous. He trusted that God would give him the graces necessary to respond heroically to the mission entrusted to him. Someone must have been praying for St. Joseph’s intercession to help me get over myself (probably my wife) because over the course of a year of refusing to be open to life, I began to soften and feel a courage that I could not explain. Through the course of talking to other couples who used NFP to be open to God’s plan for their family, I realized that if I could just trust my wife (and God) instead of being scared, then I could rely on God’s graces to help me fulfill my mission, as he did for St. Joseph. So that’s what I did and that is exactly what He has done. Thanks be to God! (and my wife and St. Joseph).Now we come to the part when St. Joseph’s role in my life becomes a conscious decision and takes center stage. Once I let go of the fear of being open to life, I began to develop a more mature faith over time. With this growth came the desire to rid myself of my dominant defects (essentially to turn away from my vices and grow stronger in virtue) in order to become the best husband and father I can be. Who better to turn to for boots-on-the-ground help than to the mighty St. Joseph?…the tireless worker, the just man, and upright guardian of those entrusted to his care. So what does all this mean in real life as a husband and father and worker? What can I strive to do in day-to-day family life to actually imitate St. Joseph? To wrap up this reflection, I offer a few concrete actions that we husbands and fathers can take.

• I must stay committed to my own daily prayer life in order to be ready to respond to the promptings of God when they come…just as St. Joseph did.

• I should try to give my family service with a smile. To do so, I can cheerfully yield in matters of my own personal preference. I can take the burnt piece of chicken, give my child the comfy seat, or bite my critical tongue if the house isn’t kept just so.

• As St. Joseph must have done for Jesus, I can model for my children a positive attitude about the responsibility and dignity of work; avoiding complaining about having to go to work and framing it as a privilege and an opportunity for sanctity.

• On coming home tired from a grueling work day, I can fight the urge to slump down in my armchair and check out, and instead intentionally go directly to my wife, smile at her, give her a kiss, and ask how I can help. A wise man once taught me to think to myself “It’s showtime!” as I’m reaching for the doorknob to walk in the front door. I need to get tough and give my children my smile, cheerfulness, and attention when coming home instead of giving them my leftovers after a hard day. This one is a constant work in progress for me!

• As St. Joseph brought Jesus up in a life of virtue, I must accept the responsibility, in partnership with my wife, for modeling and directly teaching my children what virtues are and how to develop them in their own lives.

• As St. Joseph made a gift of his chastity out of love and respect for the dignity of his wife and God’s plan for their marriage and family, I must strive to do the same. I must strive to live purely and chastely to protect the life-giving force of our marriage; avoiding pornography, showing love and self-control by respecting times of abstinence in family planning, and seeking deep union with my wife in the marital embrace instead of seeking selfish personal satisfaction.

Finally, I can issue a challenge given to us by St. Theresa of Avila, who challenges us to test out the help of the great St. Joseph for ourselves. She says in her autobiography, “…he who does not believe me will make the trial for himself – when he will see by experience the great good that results from commending oneself to this glorious patriarch, and being devout to him.” Test it out and see for you yourself!