Questioning… Accepting… Believing

The pill was introduced to the world in 1960 and became hugely popular during the 60’s.

I was studying at Catholic University during the 60’s and on my way to becoming a professional social worker. It was an exciting decade. The second Vatican Council opened October, 1962 and things began changing. The intellectual setting I was in was a hotbed for new ideas. It seemed everyday we heard about new formulations in theology and new regulations from the Church. The Liturgy changed dramatically and everyone was alert to the “new.”

This new “pill” was one of the exciting things. It was said that the pill would for the first time prevent pregnancy by mimicking the body’s natural system. It was expected to enhance married life since a couple would not have to fear conceiving a child and could better enjoy the act. This was going to strengthen marriage. Was the Church going to reverse her centuries old stance?

I began my counseling career with these questions. One of my first assignments was working with unwed mothers in an adoption agency. I began a group for women who had placed their children for adoption and were now trying to get their life back together. One of the topics that was a prime discussion was how and who to date after the birth of the baby, and abandonment by the father. I was very clear that I would not recommend contraception to any of these women. They did not need to be used again by a man and needed to restore their dignity.

But what about married couples? Why would contraception be wrong for them? This was a serious question for me. I decided that I would not recommend contraception to anyone simply because I would be obedient to the Church and trust that she is wiser than I. But it troubled me that I didn’t have a rational explanation why. I thought the Church would change her stance in time.

One day I was counseling a mother who had placed her baby for adoption and now was starting to date again. She was lonely and was dating someone. She knew she didn’t want to start to have sex with him but didn’t know if she could keep up her resolve. She started talking about going on the pill, “just in case.”

As I was listening to her I was suddenly overwhelmed with an awareness of a huge fight going on over my head. It was a battle between heaven and hell and was quite overwhelming. I don’t really know how long it lasted. I remember she finished the session and I saw her out. Afterward I tried to put together what had happened. I realized on a deep level that this contraception thing is not an instrument of the Holy Spirit designed to help family life but a tool of the enemy, a very deceptive tool!

I knew I had to figure out what was wrong with it and explain it in a rational way.

In 1968 Pope Paul VI wrote Humanae Vitae, a papal encyclical condemning artificial contraception. He made three prophetic statements in it:

1. Contraception would lead to marital infidelity,

2. Contraception would reduce the dignity of women, and

3. Contraception could be used by governments to control the fertility of its people.

All of these have happened.

This encyclical was rejected and ridiculed. Many found reasons to reject it. The prevailing “cultural wisdom” of the age was to just follow your own conscience. Consequentially thousands of Christian women went on the pill convinced that this was a good plan for them and their marriage.

By the 70’s it was known that the chemical pill also works to cause an early abortion (abortifacient). That is, it may not stop ovulation or prevent the sperm from migrating to the ovum, instead it can alter the lining of the uterus and prevent a fertilized ovum from implanting. The chemical compounds of the pill are foreign substances and the woman’s body fights them. It may change each month how the pill prevents pregnancy.

My learning continued through experiences. I learned the physical consequences of the pill. I had been treating a woman for depression for over a year. One day she mentioned that her doctor had put her on the pill. I told her to get off of it and immediately the depression stopped.

I counseled a young couple living together. He wanted to get married but she decided not to ever marry. She believed men wouldn’t stay faithful. None of her other relationships had stayed faithful. Why would this one? I told them both they must stop the sex and form a friendship. Six months later I saw them. She was ready to get married to him. She realized that he really loved HER. The first time in her life that had happened and she had fallen deeply in love with him. He said he felt like a virgin and was so excited and proud of himself. She had become so important to him. They both agreed that abstinence had made the difference. Naturally after marriage they were going to do Natural Family Planning (NFP) and continue the good experience.

When I have a married couple with sexual relationship problems, as soon as I can, I recommend NFP. So often previous experiences get in the way in marriage and sex. Previous memories are hard to erase when one is abandoning oneself to one’s partner. NFP requires communication, and deep respect for the woman and her fertility. Women tend to sense this respect from their husbands and it fosters love. Men seem to like the natural rhythm and know that there is a time when they know their wife can be responsive to them and a time not.  

The bad effects of contraception on a marriage are hard to see because they develop an attitude and it’s hard for people to see an “attitude.” In the 60’s and part of the 70’s we didn’t know enough to speak out boldly. Cardinal Dolan admitted this in an interview with the Wall Street Journal. “We have gotten gun-shy…in speaking with any amount of cogency on chastity and sexual morality,” he said.Consequently there are two generations of American women who have been on the pill and experienced its negative effects on themselves and on their marriage. They believed they were choosing something good. They believe that the tumultuous marriages of the past decades are as good as it gets.

CANFP’s work is to spread the good news about Natural Family Planning and how helpful it is to marriage. We now know that its natural rhythms, the communication it engenders, and the mutual respect it demands are God’s ways. We can’t beat that.

God bless you CANFP. Keep up the good work, and let’s all spread the good news. 

www.internationallifeservices.org