Reflections in this Year of St. Joseph

I was honored, and a little intimidated, when I was approached about writing an article on the influence of St. Joseph on marriage and fatherhood during this year dedicated to him by Pope Francis. But first, perhaps some context will help my reflections make more sense.

My father was a Naval officer and our family traveled many times following his assignments. I have a very fond memory of one of these moves when we visited the hometown of both my mom and dad in southern Minnesota on our way across the country. My grandfather, on my mom’s side, and my dad made plans to play a round of golf in the town about 30 miles away and they enticed me to join them with the prospect of driving the golf cart. I was 13 or 14 years old and will never forget when less than five minutes into the drive my grandfather asked my dad to get some rosaries out of the glove compartment. From my seat in the back I listened to these two men, who I deeply respected for their strength of character, as they reverently prayed for Mary’s intercession. I share this only to provide the background of my heritage, being raised in a family whose parents and grandparents were devout Christians.

Less than five years later I allowed myself to get caught up in the turbulent 60’s which sought liberation in a culture that promoted a revolt against the establishment, authority, the war in Vietnam and, most tragically, sexual mores that provided the foundation for the nuclear family. This promoted a conversion to a birth control mentality and, within another five years, the institutionalization of the culture of death with the legalization of abortion. Unfortunately, I embraced many of these seductive lies, myself.

What does this have to do with St. Joseph? When confronted by the choice of being drafted or fleeing the country, the heritage I mentioned previously was the anchor in the storm and this prodigal son returned home in both a physical and spiritual sense. For this reason, I’m sure that the reflections I share here on Joseph have been fundamentally formed by my relationship with my father and other men of previous generations. Perhaps even more influential have been my relationships with my wife and with the Oblates of St. Joseph. I’d like to examine St. Joseph’s relationships with God the Father, his beloved Mary, and his son, Jesus. It is through the example that he gives us in these relationships that we can become better spouses and parents.

Much has been written about the silence of St. Joseph and that scripture records no words of his. In his book, The Power of Silence: Against the Dictatorship of Noise, Cardinal Robert Sarah says, “There is one great question: how can man really be in the image of God? He must enter into silence. When he drapes himself in silence, as God himself dwells in great silence, man…allows God to manifest himself in him.” The silence of St. Joseph, then is not a passive waiting, but an attentiveness to what God plans for his happiness. We know of the dreams of Joseph, and of his immediate and trusting response to them. He overcomes his fear of being unworthy to assume the role of husband to the Mother of God and earthly father of Jesus. He carries out his role as protector of the Holy Family when he gets up in the middle of the night and takes them to safety in Egypt. And then he listens to God once again after dreaming that he is to return to Nazareth with Mary and Jesus. While these dreams are striking examples of how Joseph trusted his heavenly Father, his intimacy with God through silence permeated his daily life with Mary and Jesus. If we are to grow in the virtues we see in him, his humility and courage, his love of poverty and his purity, and his devotion to his wife and Child, then we have to begin by imitating his desire to enter into the great, and sometimes terrifying, silence of God, trusting that He will guide us as He did St. Joseph.

Moving to the relationship that Joseph had with Mary, I believe many of us are both intrigued and inspired by how unique it was. We wonder about how they met and their betrothal, but the poignant drama begins when they are each, in turn, visited by angels with announcements from God. Fr. Donald Calloway presents compelling arguments in his book Consecration to St. Joseph that Joseph was a young man, and as such, his willingness to overcome his fear to take Mary as his wife must have been a great step in his maturity. Aware of her purity and innocence and certainly attracted by her beauty, Joseph must have felt intimidated and unworthy when he heard that Mary was to become the Mother of God. We see Joseph’s own compassionate and protective character when he is “…unwilling to expose her to shame…” This woman whom he deeply loves has been chosen by God. And Joseph, being a righteous man, is willing to let go of his own desires out of respect for God’s plan. After God’s intervention and His courage-building words, “Do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife,” we come to understand Joseph’s second great sacrifice. So that throughout history, everyone might know of the conception of Jesus through the overshadowing of the Holy Spirit and Mary is to remain a virgin. His love for God and Mary makes Joseph’s acceptance of his own call to virginal chastity an example to the world of the precious gift of priestly celibacy and the blessing of abstinence by a married couple called for in Natural Family Planning. If we want to become better spouses and parents we have to follow the example that Joseph provides, trusting that God will give us the graces we need to overcome our fears and become truly sacrificial lovers. This love is sacrificial and, if we want to become better spouses and parents, we can imitate the love that Joseph had for Mary.

As you probably already have, imagine what it must have been like for Mary and Joseph to raise Jesus in their home. In some ways it must have been easier than the normal human family – after all, Jesus never sinned. That does not mean that he didn’t try their patience at times. We hear in scripture that, being found in the temple after Mary and Joseph had been looking for Jesus for three days, they returned to Nazareth and Jesus, “…was obedient to them…”. Joseph, together with Mary, has the responsibility to teach and to train Jesus, both in matters of faith and in human skills. This sort of inverted relationship, where the Son was infinitely greater than the father, was an ever-present opportunity for Joseph to grow in humility. As parents, it can be easy for us to slip into an attitude where we focus on what we have done for our children. The Holy Family reminds us that we should, rather, be attentive to and grateful for what our children do for us. If we want to become better parents we can begin by adopting the humility of St. Joseph, always appreciating that our children provide us daily opportunities to work out our own salvation by serving them.

I am blessed to have sons, and a son-in-law, who are also devoted to St. Joseph, and humbled to share with them this opportunity to reflect on the impact and inspiration of St. Joseph in our lives., this Year of St. Joseph.