What is Dad’s Secret

How did Mom and Dad manage to love each other more each year? Each year I marveled at this, into their sixth decade together. I saw them experience what I lacked and what I generally saw lacking in the world around me. The hot flames of falling in love would later fade into selfishness and brokenness. I thought their kind of love beyond my reach.

I followed my parents’ lead in pro-life but I thought I was smarter than they when it came to contraception. I’d come home from college, a “good” one they went out on a limb to pay for, armed with newly learned and “sophisticated” arguments. God would not create in us the will to love and express it physically and also the smarts to invent methods that would enable us to, well, have sex anytime and still avoid pregnancy. We could have our sex and infertility too! A “Win-win.”

I forget the specific arguments my parents used to defend Catholic Church teaching that the marital act must always be both unitive and open to life, but the most effective was made without words: their enduring and growing love, respect, admiration and friendship over the decades. I marveled at that.

Back then I wondered what their secret was while I argued with them about one of the keys. The sacrifices they made throughout their lives for each other and for their six sons did not start in the bedroom. It was affirmed there. “Not my will, Lord, but Yours!” Not my teaching or the teaching of the Zietgeist, but the teaching of Your indefectible Church.

My parents looked a lot smarter to a 28 year old me, about to commit my life to Beth on the altar, than they had ten years earlier. I knew I wanted to marry in the Catholic Church and live our marital vows in harmony with the Church’s teaching. By that time I was intellectually convinced that these teachings were sound even though I was very weak in my will and in living the Faith. Seeing all around the lives broken by those who ignored this truth, including moms thinking abortion was a solution to contraceptive failure, it had become obvious to me from the evidence, as well as study, that ignoring these teachings led to unhappiness.

How much more obvious is it now? Separating God’s gift of our sexual powers from His plan—one man, one woman, and never divorcing the marital act from His power to create life—has wrought utter mayhem. Sterile sex has led to approval of any sex, any time, no matter how harmful to body, mind and soul, as long as it is considered consensual. We are called now to sanction not only the murder of the unborn children but those babies who survive the abortion. They call it “choice”. My God, we might even run afoul of the law if we raise our son as a boy and refuse that confused child hormonal and even surgical mutilation (aka “sex change”)!

By the grace of God my wife and I have remained open to life throughout our marriage, and used only NFP when there were serious reasons, medical or other, to avoid pregnancy. This has enriched our marriage and family life immeasurably. Our lives have not been spared suffering and sacrifice, or even sadness. Marriage, having children, being open to God’s will always involve sacrifice. Jesus told us to pick up our cross, not our cotton candy! But his burden is indeed light, as He promised. Trying to sterilize life from suffering only makes that suffering greater and unbearable. Sharing life’s burdens together and for each other, in cooperation with God, is joyful, fruitful, lovely.

I love my wife now more than I did when I married her with great happiness 35 years ago. Thank you, Lord for your teachings on life and marriage!. Thank you, Mom and Dad for living a marriage that was whole, happy and holy!