Thorn in Our Side
Question
My wife and I practice NFP to the best of our knowledge. We try and follow the format even though we have never had any formal training on the subject. However, we feel that we can always enhance our understanding on the topic and would like to know where we can find the adequate resources in our area. A question that has been a thorn on my side ever since we got married is the following. On days that we are not able to engage in intercourse we partake in foreplay that most of the time leads to orgasm from both of us. I feel that these moments of intimacy are permissible for they happen within the marital context. Right? Also, there are times when she may not feel like engaging in foreplay, but nonetheless she still “pleases me” with hand-stimulation; is this morally correct?
J.
Answer
Last Updated: October 31, 2014
No, it is not considered morally acceptable to seek orgasm outside of the act of Intercourse, whether the masturbation is mutual or not. We have several rather lengthy responses to similar questions on our website. It sounds as if you have been concerned about the advisability of this behavior, since you describe it as a “thorn in your side” throughout your marriage. This topic is one example of the benefits of pursuing formal instruction in NFP, where you would have the opportunity to pursue a deeper understanding of the issue you have raised, in a more individualized way. I encourage you to look on our website for an NFP Professional in your area, to learn about not only the anatomical and physiological aspects of NFP, but the relational, spiritual, and ethical ones as well.
In pursuing truth, you open the possibility of removing this thorn, and growing more deeply in your intimacy as a couple. The journey might be challenging, but holds much promise!
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