Unmet Expectations and Sad….

Question

I read the other marital sexuality Q&A and could not find the answer to this.
My husband and I have been married less than a year. We are using NFP and are open to life. There have been a few times when I have not had an orgasm during intercourse. After those times, I feel sad and empty inside. It makes me feel very selfish when those feelings come over me. Am I focusing too much on the pleasure involved and not enough on the gift of self that intercourse should be? How can I change my response if it happens in the future?

Answer

Thank you for your question to Ask the Expert. First I want to compliment you on your use of NFP. There is no healthier way to live out your married life together than sharing in the knowledge of your combined fertility and loving each other as God intended, freely and openly.

Love is perfected with time. Your commitment to each other and your ability to communicate lovingly will bring about the rewards you hope and dream for. Be thankful for the gifts you have today and be grateful for each beautiful act of intercourse because each will be unique. Like the dinners I make for my family some turn out well and some not so well to me, but all of them nourish us. I’m a better cook today than when I first married but it took practice. So don’t be hard on yourself, because it is very natural to have a different response each time you have intercourse.

The magazines at the check-out stand will tell you what is important to do in marriage. What’s missing often is the bigger picture of communication between husband and wife that is not just physical, including genital communication, but emotional, intellectual, creative and spiritual communication. Discuss how you feel with your husband. You want to work together.

Sincerely,

Judy Wilmurt

Answered By:

Judy Wilmurt
Judy Wilmurt, Professional Member of CANFP, and past member of the Executive Board, taught the Creighton Model FertilityCare System of NFP in the Oakland region, wherre she resides with her husband Eric.

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