Conflicting Advice Regarding Need to Reverse Vasectomy
Question
I write in some confusion, as a non-Catholic (non-anything, in fact), but I believe I need advice. I was married for some time, to a Catholic, and we had three children (all now adults). After that, and following consultation with the young and quite liberal priest who married us, I had a vasectomy. After a series of serious problems and divorce, life moved on.
It is now eight years later, and I am in a serious relationship with a Catholic woman – or at least, she is a very good woman, of faith in her heart, but with good reasons for not wanting to be part of the Church – who does very much see vasectomy as a problem. I am of course willing to undergo a reversal, but the costs prohibit this. We are not married, but are committed to each other, and both try to live good lives according to our consciences. There are no other problems in our relationship.
I have been told by various priests: that I am a sinner, that I should confess rather than have a reversal, that I must have a reversal, and several other things, some quite seriously unChristian (and I write that as a non-believer). I have read the catechism and Papal advice on these matters, and looked for guidance in all manner of places, so I have to confess that writing this is something of a last resort in the search for advice. I also understand that you may be disappointed or even offended by some of the above aspects of my life, and that of my partner; if this is the case I do apologize in advance, but would ask you to understand that we are both living according to conscience. On this matter of vasectomy reversal or not, neither of our consciences appear to have any useful information.
Kind regards,
Casey
Answer
Last Updated: June 8, 2013
Thank you for your question and your concern regarding your vasectomy. Last May, I answered a different question in “Ask the Expert” which dealt with some of the same issues you raise. You might find the answer helpful, especially the information given about Dr. Gregory Polito who does reversals for a very reasonable fee.
In any case, first of all, regarding the fact that various priests have recommended that you confess your vasectomy, as a non-Catholic, you would not be able to participate in sacramental confession. (I was disheartened, to say the least, that a Catholic priest counseled you to have the vasectomy in the first place.)
Second, yes, it is true that your Catholic friend who “does very much see vasectomy as a problem” would no doubt also be aware that marital relations belong to the state of marriage and are considered immoral outside of the sacrament of marriage. (This is a truth that is grounded not merely in sacramental theology, but also natural law.) Should both of you decide to marry, as a Catholic, your friend would be obligated to marry in the Catholic Church. In order for that to happen, you would, of course, have to deal with the issue of your previous marriage and would want to investigate whether conditions existed before the marriage that would render that bond annulled. If any impediments were removed, and you were free to marry in the Catholic Church, would you need to undergo reversal surgery in order to fulfill the requirement that spouses be open to having children in marriage? That would be a question that would demand more background, but would best be discerned through a conversation with the priest preparing you both for marriage.
Third, and finally, assuming that this period in your friendship is a true courtship and you are abstaining from sexual relations until marriage so that you cannot only properly discern whether you should be together (without the powerful, emotional sway of sexual relations), but also live according to the moral expectations for the preparation of the sacrament of marriage, in one sense, the issue of your vasectomy is a non-issue. Should you be moving towards Catholic marriage, then I would suggest that you take into consideration points 1 and 2.
Sincerely,
Fr. Blaise R. Berg
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