The Requisite Virtues Behind the Use of NFP

Imagine this hypothetical scenario. A Catholic couple is determined not to use any kind of artificial contraception because they sincerely want to obey the teaching of the Church. The wife has given birth to multiple children within a decade. Due to significant emotional and psychological conditions, she wishes to use NFP to exercise responsible parenthood, in accordance with Humanae Vitae. However, the husband is unwilling to fully cooperate with his wife because of his physical desires. The couple fights daily and has a strained relationship. The wife feels torn. On the one hand, she does not want to refuse her husband’s demands. On the other hand, she feels used by him merely to gratify his physical needs.

It is clear that something is not right. On the surface, the husband appears to be observing the letter of the law regarding the sixth commandment by avoiding contraception. However, what he is missing is the virtue of charity toward his wife. The wife seeks to follow St. Paul’s exhortation to “be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord”. Yet it does not seem that the husband genuinely loves his wife “as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5: 21-25).

This example should give us food for thought. When teaching couples about the Church’s stance on artificial contraception, it is not sufficient merely to explain the prohibitions. What is even more important is to teach the rationale behind the teaching, along with the virtues that must accompany it. For instance, in situations when NFP is called for, charity and temperance must play a central role. As seen in the scenario above, following the law without charity and temperance can do tremendous harm to a marriage. NFP, when practiced properly, provides an opportunity for married couples to grow in these two virtues.

In this context, the Church defines matrimonial consent as “an act of the will by which a man and a woman mutually give and accept each other through an irrevocable covenant in order to establish marriage” (canon 1057 §2, 1983 Code of Canon Law). A superficial observance of the moral law, without the virtues of charity and temperance, risks becoming Pharisaical. In contrast, when a couple truly practices virtue in marriage by mutually giving and accepting each other in every marital act—not only in body but also in heart and soul—the image of the Church is clearly manifested.

Let us pray that all married couples would be imbued with the virtues of charity and temperance, so that they can truly live out the total and mutual self-giving love that is expected of them.